Posts Tagged ‘Authors

04
Mar
13

Nothing Good Can Come From This

This post is nonsense, and nothing good can come from this.  It has been a month since I’ve written anything for this blog, and this is crap.

In the way-old days, (late 80′s) way back then, I used to get paranoid when I smoked weed. Now, I’m just paranoid all the time. It is annoying, and I’m not even high. Like I said, I’m just writing this to write something. Nothing means anything anymore. Life is devalued. Does anyone understand what I’m saying?

Beetlejuice

 

I’m sick of writing. I write fun books that nobody will buy. My new attitude is, “Why should I give away anything for free?” Nothing is free — everything is expensive. Do you want something free to read? Buy yourself a box of pencils and write it yourself. Oh, that isn’t free, the pencils cost something.  Go to a public park and carve your story in a bench with a knife–still not free. You paid for that bench by paying taxes and someone paid for the knife. Steal a roll of toilet paper from Taco Bell and write your lifelong manifesto with the blood from your slit wrists.

That would be art.

Alien2

 

That chick is dead.

That movie was art.

What a fantastic movie–Alien. Why can’t there ever be a movie that cool again? I’d used this picture on my Facebook page for about 12 hours, but no one like it. My life has been reduced to being defined by ‘likes.’ I got no likes for this picture. Does the crying lady (Lambert) have her hands in her pockets? That is classic defiance — “Fuck you death, I’ve got my hands in my pockets. Smoke your own damn cigarette.” For those of you who don’t know, she (Lambert) gets her face bitten off within the next five seconds.

Continuing on our little stroll of “Nothing good can come from this,” I’ll add one more picture with commentary. I love pictures!!

Gump Cat

 

I want new legs too.

Lieutenant Dan, don’t give up on life. It is a gift.

Remember when you were up in the crow’s nest, on that fishin’ boat, yelling at God ’cause you got no legs? Thunder and lightning, hurricane winds, and you’re like “You can’t kill me God!!” Well, Lieutenant Dan, God didn’t have to, he blew off both your legs–you were already dead on the inside.

 

 

 

23
Apr
12

Literacy, huh?

(I’ve gotten away from Legal Disclaimers — see about author if you are insulted by anything I’ve written.)

 

I don’t have too many nice things to say about Las Vegas, but the rent is cheap.

C-Jane and I participated in World Book Night. What is that? Well, thirty (30) fabulous and fantastic authors like Stephen King, Alice Sebold, and Orson Scott Card all donated thousands of books without expectation of payment to promote literacy in the US. As an author myself, I value literacy.

The deal is this, C-Jane and I volunteered to give away 20 free books from an author of our choice. I chose Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card since it was one of the books I read in college that inspired me to become a writer. I was pretty jazzed to give twenty copies of this awesome book to new readers.

So, C-Jane and I went to our local supermarket, and spoke to the manager, and they agreed with our cause. Literacy is good, M’kay? We could stand out in front of the store and promote literacy without going to jail for unlawful assembly, but we were not allowed to fist fight with the patrons of our neighborhood grocer.

I said, “Excuse me, but do you like to read?” And the giant fat guy with the tattoo on his 25-inch circumference neck with his equally huge girlfriend with rhinestone piercings through each of her cheeks looks at me and says, “I f**kin hate reading!”

“Have a nice day.”

The tall oriental guy with the UNLV hat says, “Why are you doing this? No one reads unless they are in jail.”

It was 101* Fahrenheit this afternoon, we gave it a solid hour, more like ninety minutes. “Excuse me ma’am, I’m giving away a free––” And she interrupts me, “I’m not voting for Obama, he is a liar! I hate him and all Democrats, they should all choke on their own vomit and die!!” And I say, “I just want to give you a book.” She continues, “I hate all of them, they all need to go to hell, they can all go burn, that god-damn Mitt Romney too, F-him and the Mormon Church he rode in on!” After a ten minute tirade, she then went to harass C-Jane. I wasn’t worried, C-Jane knows karate and she just learned the move called ‘Face-Smash.’ Thank you Sensei James for teaching her that one, and not a day too soon.

C-Jane also got the lady who said, “I only read the Bible.” Don’t get me wrong, I think Jesus rocks, but the gospels are not nearly as much fun as Ender’s Game. And then there was the meth-freak who laughed when I offered a free book. He said, “Dude, you got ten dollars I could have?”

Ninety minutes, we took the abuse of our ultra-ignorant neighbors. We did give away six books each, but it was horribly demoralizing. Las Vegas has got to be the dumbest city in America. I’ll get rid of my other fourteen books this Friday. I have a book signing at the renaissance festival in Boulder City. I’ll offer free books to people while dressed as a jester, waiting for the last five literate people of Las Vegas to find me. Hopefully the people of Boulder City don’t suck as retarded as the people in our neighborhood.

22
Apr
12

Always Evolving

I’ve always liked my anonymity, but now things are changing. As a fiction writer, I have a short story published and a novel, but on September 1st, another fiction story is appearing in an anthology and on the very same day, my second novel is going to be released. I just received a nice review from a respectable critic about my first novel.

I’d still like to be a little quiet about who I am. I do write crazy stuff from time to time on the Shortbus, and I’d like for that to continue, so… I’ll never say who I am, but I just might leave a random Link for those of you who come here often. This way, Google searches for my non-Big-J name will not link to this site, and we can keep on talking smack about whatever we want.

That is a pretty damn cool idea, eh?

This way, I can happily let you meet new authors here on the Shortbus. Some of them might even be super-talented, who knows? All the time, I’ll be able to remain the Shortbus-wookie.

I’m going to post an interview with horror author Greg Chapman soon. I have the interview, I just want this message to get out to everyone first.




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