(I’ve gotten away from Legal Disclaimers — see about author if you are insulted by anything I’ve written.)
I don’t have too many nice things to say about Las Vegas, but the rent is cheap.
C-Jane and I participated in World Book Night. What is that? Well, thirty (30) fabulous and fantastic authors like Stephen King, Alice Sebold, and Orson Scott Card all donated thousands of books without expectation of payment to promote literacy in the US. As an author myself, I value literacy.
The deal is this, C-Jane and I volunteered to give away 20 free books from an author of our choice. I chose Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card since it was one of the books I read in college that inspired me to become a writer. I was pretty jazzed to give twenty copies of this awesome book to new readers.
So, C-Jane and I went to our local supermarket, and spoke to the manager, and they agreed with our cause. Literacy is good, M’kay? We could stand out in front of the store and promote literacy without going to jail for unlawful assembly, but we were not allowed to fist fight with the patrons of our neighborhood grocer.
I said, “Excuse me, but do you like to read?” And the giant fat guy with the tattoo on his 25-inch circumference neck with his equally huge girlfriend with rhinestone piercings through each of her cheeks looks at me and says, “I f**kin hate reading!”
“Have a nice day.”
The tall oriental guy with the UNLV hat says, “Why are you doing this? No one reads unless they are in jail.”
It was 101* Fahrenheit this afternoon, we gave it a solid hour, more like ninety minutes. “Excuse me ma’am, I’m giving away a free––” And she interrupts me, “I’m not voting for Obama, he is a liar! I hate him and all Democrats, they should all choke on their own vomit and die!!” And I say, “I just want to give you a book.” She continues, “I hate all of them, they all need to go to hell, they can all go burn, that god-damn Mitt Romney too, F-him and the Mormon Church he rode in on!” After a ten minute tirade, she then went to harass C-Jane. I wasn’t worried, C-Jane knows karate and she just learned the move called ‘Face-Smash.’ Thank you Sensei James for teaching her that one, and not a day too soon.
C-Jane also got the lady who said, “I only read the Bible.” Don’t get me wrong, I think Jesus rocks, but the gospels are not nearly as much fun as Ender’s Game. And then there was the meth-freak who laughed when I offered a free book. He said, “Dude, you got ten dollars I could have?”
Ninety minutes, we took the abuse of our ultra-ignorant neighbors. We did give away six books each, but it was horribly demoralizing. Las Vegas has got to be the dumbest city in America. I’ll get rid of my other fourteen books this Friday. I have a book signing at the renaissance festival in Boulder City. I’ll offer free books to people while dressed as a jester, waiting for the last five literate people of Las Vegas to find me. Hopefully the people of Boulder City don’t suck as retarded as the people in our neighborhood.