Posts Tagged ‘Weight Loss


Untold Truth of Hemingway’s Demise

(I’ve gotten away from Legal Disclaimers — see about author if you are insulted by anything I’ve written.)

Have you noticed the lack of postings on this site? Sure, there were all the Seattle posts, they were cool, and I was drunk then. Don’t forget the Hank post is a re-post from two years ago. Sobriety is a writer’s worst enemy.

This is how we party in Las Vegas

Sobriety has got to be the biggest dildo in the most uncomfortable of places when it comes to creative writing. Earnest Hemingway – drunk. James Joyce – Drunk. Truman Capote – Drunk!

Big J – Sober. Big J – Capital Fail!

I now understand why suicide is the #1 cause of death for recovering addicts and alcoholics. Earnest Hemingway was going to AA, he had two-weeks sober, couldn’t write, owned a shotgun, BANG! America’s greatest writer has left the planet. (This is not a true statement, please don’t sue me.)

Think I’m lying? Hunter S. Thompson, one of the greatest journalists ever, was so F-ed up on dope all the time that when he got clean, he died immediately! (That is also not true, that is just my alcoholic brain trying to trick me into drinking… again.)

Sobriety sucks, woe is me. My friends tell me I’m boring. C-Jane hasn’t left me, but only because I’m getting skinnier. Instead of having a cool fun party-buddy with a growing belly, she now gets a sourpuss-downer with washboard abs. I’m going to go curl up and cry.

If you are a drunk, don’t be vain. Vanity, well, it is just stupid. Be drunk, be ugly, be happy. I hope to survive one more month of this hell, and then I’m going back to drunken bliss. I have lost nearly ten pounds in this month of suffering. One more month of agonized uncreative horror and I’ll be eye-candy. C-Jane will need to use her karate to chase all the little hotties away. That will be something to write about.


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