This blog is too crazy. I tell everyone I’m done, I’m throwing the towel, I’m getting the driver out of the ring. On that same day, six new people step aboard the Shortbus and take their seats on the ride to hell.
Alright, get the defibrillator and the smelling salts. If we can get the driver on his feet, we’ll shove him back into the ring. However, if we are going to try and keep this bus rolling, there must be some new rules.
Here is an idea for rule #1, I write when there is something to say, and not just because it is ‘time to post something.’ I write out of obligation on the Skyrim FanFic blog. Every Monday in that place, I post 1K-words. That isn’t too bad, really, but I’m also writing short stories for sale, and a third novel. When writing becomes an obligation, it becomes work—the Shortbus should remain fun.
Rule #2, I’ll try and avoid writing about politics. Red or Blue, they aren’t anyone’s pal. Journalist Michael Hastings made an important point about politics just over a week ago, and the cannibals of ‘big-money news’ glossed right over his story. If you don’t know Mr. Hastings, well, someone killed him—that, or his car magically exploded in Hollywood. The only asshole who is going to kill me…is me.
Rule #3 is a continuation of an unnamed rule that has always been on the Shortbus to Hell. I hate sports. HATE sports and will NEVER endorse any athlete or team that is in it for the money. I write because I love the art—I make a shit ounce of money. Contrary to the rule, if you play a sports game for the sake of the game, I can respect that absolutely. Once the line is crossed into ‘Wheaties and Nike,’ F-off, I’m not flipping a nickel your way—let alone a word.
Rule #4, I will avoid book reviews on the Shortbus. Find me on Goodreads. There are two Jake Elliots on Goodreads. The other Jake Elliot writes “Doctor Who audio book(s)” and I write zombie porn stories and heretic books. It really isn’t as bad as I make it sound. The fact is my zombie porn story was one of the soft-core tales in that particular anthology.
However, movies will be fair game on the Shortbus. It seems 99% of all movies C-Jane and I watch are through Netflix, thanks to Peter Jackson. The Hobbit was so awful, it was the final $25-bucks Hollywood will Jew out of us. Screw you blockbusters, I’ll watch you from my couch––naked if I please (never, unless we’re watching zombie porn.) I’ll eat my twenty cents worth of popcorn without paying $5.50 for it.
Correction; I can’t believe I said that, I must be a God-Damned Nazi!! If you are Jewish, and my above statement has angered you, please feel free to leave an equally inappropriate comment in my comment box. There will be no caustic or acidic response from me—I poked your eye, feel free to poke one of mine. ONE please, I can’t type without eyes.
However, at times I’ve called situations ‘Retarded’ and sometimes even ‘Gay,’ yet in truth; I have no animosity toward mentally handicapped people nor am I homophobic. This time, I felt ‘Jewed’ out of my money as being the best descriptor in this instance. Among the few things I truly hate, I hate political correctness. PS-the word ‘Shyster’ has Jewish origins, and also, ‘Usury’ was invented by the Jewish culture. Now, without any ill-will, I wish you all a nice day.