How to Get to Ireland When You are Poor

C-Jane and I just got back from Ireland. Many people have said, “WTF? We make twenty-times what you make in a year, and we can’t go to Ireland!” That is a true statement, if you’re a fry-cook for a fast-food restaurant, you made twice as much money as I did last year, I promise. It is said that 10% of all professional writers make over $10,000 a year; I am among the 90%.

So, how does a poor bastard like Big-J get to Ireland for a week? Part of it is savings from the evil hospital job that I foolishly/wisely left a couple years ago. But that is only marginal. Here are the major contributors to having a week long international vacation.

1) Ireland is hurting for money

Ireland has financially suffered like the U.S. is about to suffer. To help pull themselves out of their mess, they’ve offered awesome vacation packages to stimulate their economy. To get our great deal, we had to buy our package a year ago, but it was such a sweet deal that C-Jane and I couldn’t refuse. $1200 for both of us, covering hotels and breakfasts, transportation via tour bus, and visiting three cities including Dublin for Saint Patrick’s Day.

2) No cable/satellite television

By sacrificing this useless service, we’ve saved over $600 each year for the last two years. Not only did that cover the cost of our tour, but neither of us have been brainwashed, leaving us as free thinking people. We also suffer less from fear and anxiety than most Americans, thanks to the absence of constant media programing.

3) Basic phone plan

We do not have smart phones. We spend $125 less per month than the average American couple for phone service. This covered our air-fare. Verizon gives lots of money to political groups that are tricking us out of our rights. As free-thinking Americans, we want to limit their ability to continue giving our money to political groups that don’t represent the majority of Americans. Once our contract with them is over, we will find a cheaper phone plan and save more money for our next trip AND continue the fight to maintain our rights.

4) No debt

C-Jane has paid off her student loans at a great sacrifice—she worked, and as a result paid them. We own our cars and we rent an affordable apartment. People who watch cable/satellite TV tend to believe the lies about the value of owning a home. Barely 1% of all Americans own a home; it is the banks who own them—as proven by the thousands of loan defaults over the past six years. C-Jane and I cut our credit cards into tiny pieces years ago. We are free.

5) Economy cars

C-Jane has a hybrid Honda, I drive an Elantra. We average 37MPG and we try to go everywhere together making one big circular route to knock out our errands. We pay $60 per month on gasoline.

6) Waste reduction

We waste nothing. The average American throws away tons of stuff every year. We take home un-eaten food from restaurants, we eat out as little as we can, we cook at home, we plan our meals, we wear our clothes until they serve us no longer, we shop at farmers’ markets, and we rent movies through Netflix as opposed to shelling out $22 per movie.

7) No children

Enough said. We all choose how we live. C-Jane and I have chosen to go to Ireland with our limited money, not produce expensive rug-rats. I realize some people actually want children, and I believe that if the above six points were sacrificed as aggressively as we have done, you and your children could go to Ireland for a week. Hell, if you aren’t a writer, you’d have tons of expendable money.

Nothing Good Can Come From This

This post is nonsense, and nothing good can come from this.  It has been a month since I’ve written anything for this blog, and this is crap.

In the way-old days, (late 80′s) way back then, I used to get paranoid when I smoked weed. Now, I’m just paranoid all the time. It is annoying, and I’m not even high. Like I said, I’m just writing this to write something. Nothing means anything anymore. Life is devalued. Does anyone understand what I’m saying?

 

I’m sick of writing. I write fun books that nobody will buy. My new attitude is, “Why should I give away anything for free?” Nothing is free — everything is expensive. Do you want something free to read? Buy yourself a box of pencils and write it yourself. Oh, that isn’t free, the pencils cost something.  Go to a public park and carve your story in a bench with a knife–still not free. You paid for that bench by paying taxes and someone paid for the knife. Steal a roll of toilet paper from Taco Bell and write your lifelong manifesto with the blood from your slit wrists.

That would be art.

 

That chick is dead.

That movie was art.

What a fantastic movie–Alien. Why can’t there ever be a movie that cool again? I’d used this picture on my Facebook page for about 12 hours, but no one like it. My life has been reduced to being defined by ‘likes.’ I got no likes for this picture. Does the crying lady (Lambert) have her hands in her pockets? That is classic defiance — “Fuck you death, I’ve got my hands in my pockets. Smoke your own damn cigarette.” For those of you who don’t know, she (Lambert) gets her face bitten off within the next five seconds.

Continuing on our little stroll of “Nothing good can come from this,” I’ll add one more picture with commentary. I love pictures!!

 

I want new legs too.

Lieutenant Dan, don’t give up on life. It is a gift.

Remember when you were up in the crow’s nest, on that fishin’ boat, yelling at God ’cause you got no legs? Thunder and lightning, hurricane winds, and you’re like “You can’t kill me God!!” Well, Lieutenant Dan, God didn’t have to, he blew off both your legs–you were already dead on the inside.

 

 

 

The Shortbus Post – News from the Front Line

The Shortbus limps along. This is a strange limbo I am in. I’ve gone from revolutionary—to salesman. I swear the Mayans did it.

You know, fighting the powers of evil was an awesome career path—back when our days were numbered. I realize now that time never stops, it just keeps on moving on. I say screw fighting evil, that’s another task we should lay upon Gen Y. Sorry guys, I’m gonna pass the buck to you and go get rich—thanks for the love.

What a sell-out. – Yup – but first, a bad review.

An e-book reviewer who has a modest amount of clout is about to give my second novel a moderate review. I have respect for this critic, I’d received a very balanced review for my first book and I like the reviewer’s honesty. I didn’t ask him to read my book for fluff and praise, but for his opinion––and he doesn’t like the sequel.

Well, “dammit.”

Hey-hey-hey! that’s MY book your trashing!!

I haven’t seen the full report yet, but he was kind enough to fire a warning shot over the bow of my ship. I’m now bracing for impact. What makes this very confusing is he’s the fourth reviewer to come back out of a total of six. The first three reviews were impressively complimentary, and the other two reviews are from people who vanished into thin air. Flakes, I think that’s what they are called, but I’m not sure. Perhaps late bloomers.

So the Shortbus rolls on, limping along and trying to get somewhere other than over the side of “THE FISCAL CLIFF.” Damn you dead Mayans! This is all your fault!

My publicist is relaxed and super cool, he says, “We’ll pick out all the good stuff and leave the rest on the side of the road,” or something sort of like that, but I actually chuckle inside. This coming review is my Karma. If I didn’t talk so much smack while driving the Shortbus, my fiction would be praised by all as the greatest stories ever to be written. People would throw rose petals and lay palm fronds at my feet so I’d never be dirtied by touching the ground—or, back to reality, maybe not everyone will love my books as I do.

Here is a link to my books page on my central webpage.

Here is a link to Free Samplings of my style of fiction writing.

Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit

JRR Tolkien wrote a classic book called The Hobbit in the late 1930’s. Peter Jackson did not. Peter doesn’t even write fantasy fiction for a living––I do––but he directs movies. I know from experience that when a writer writes a book, ALL the pieces are important. When making a movie, it must be dificult to decide what gets cut, and what stays in. Although, when the red carpet is rolled out by a movie studio with a generous offering of seven plus hours of celluloid to show that story, I don’t know why one would deviate from the full story.

As loyal fans of Tolkien’s books, we know sometimes things get lost in translation from book to movie. Peter Jackson did a fantastic job with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. We understood things need to be moved sometimes for consistency. Those of us who read the books know at the end of The Two Towers, Shelob the spider has ensnared Frodo, and Sam is like “WTF!” The End.

We, the loyal fans of Tolkien grasp it isn’t cool to end a movie like that—ending on a sour note and leaving everyone hanging for another year. It is anticipated a couple things might get moved around in the change of venue. It is difficult to make the transition from the intended art of reading, to the visual form of film.

As a fan of the book, I have a couple questions about the Hobbit movie. What does everyone think about adding mountains that turn into boulder-people that have fist-fights with other rock-folk while dwarves hang from their knees? Maybe we could add some dialogue with a redneck accent, “Dis ain’t no giant mountain! Dis is a Mountain-Giant!”

Please, calm down. Those exact words were not used in the movie, but they could have been. The fist-fighting rock-people with dwarves hanging on their knees did happen in the movie. I don’t remember this part from the book.

What else could we do to spice up the movie? Add a one-armed albino orc who looks like Voldemort to chase the group of dwarves around. He can say something really profound like, “I hate you, I really, really hate you little dwarfs!”

We might not think to add a brown cloaked wizard riding a sleigh with a team of rabbits to improve JRR Tolkien’s masterpiece––but Peter Jackson did.

A note to the director—we did not pay $12 per ticket to see your movie. We paid $12 a seat to see JRR Tolkien’s story transformed into visual art by you. I cannot speak for everybody, but my money isn’t easy to make anymore. $12 gets me a ¼ tank of gas.

I rated Tolkien’s book The Hobbit 4/5 stars on Goodreads. After what I saw today, I’d give the movie 2/5 stars. The movie wasn’t awful, but very disappointing. It wasn’t all wrong, but the parts that were done correctly are shrouded by everything that is wrong. This is why people think fantasy fiction is gay. Mister Jackson ruined what could have been another classic added to his name. This is parallel to how the ape-romance scene on the frozen lake in King Kong ruined the total greatness of that movie.

I’m sorry Bilbo Baggins, your day did not shine.

I’ll be adding a link to C-Jane’s kinder review of both book and movie right here.  http://beckyajohnson.net/2012/12/14/the-hobbit/

Horror Writer Greg Chapman Dropped By

Greg is a fabulous writer of horror fiction, and has an ability with illustration that many artists should envy. He’s written a whole slew of published short stories, has two novellas available on Kindle (I’m reading one now), and credit for a few graphic novels. Greg is as professional as a writer can be and I hope success continues to bless him. Thanks for the interview Mr. Chapman.

 

 

1)     I’ve heard nothing but good things about your story, The Noctuary. Is there anything you’d like to say about it?

 

Yeah it has been well received and hopefully people will continue to buy and like it. It’s dark, disturbing and gruesome – aspects I really like in horror fiction. The whole book came about when I wondered where all my ideas come from and I imagined a very dark place, occupied by very dark characters. I guess it’s my idea of a writer’s hell, like a modern Dante’s Inferno. I think with The Noctuary I’ve inadvertently set up a mythology that I’ll definitely revisit in the near future.

2)     You have a second story with Damnation Books named Torment, what would you say about that one? Is there anything else you have published that I don’t know about?

 

Torment was my first ever published novella. The story’s equal parts haunted house and demonic possession, but mainly it’s about a woman who is trying to move on from her tragic past and the accepted fact that her father murdered her mother.

 

As for other things I’ve had published; I’ve had short stories in The Absent Willow Review, Trembles, Eclecticism E-zine, Morpheus Tales’ Christmas Special 2011, and the Frightmares Flash Fiction Anthology. I self-pubbed my short story collection, Midnight Theatre: Tales of Terror in 2011 (Smashwords). My horror comics have appeared in Midnight Echo Magazine and Decay Magazine and I’ve had an illustration in Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine.

 

3)     Tell us a little about graphic novels and your other artistic endeavors.

 

Witch-Hunts: A Graphic History of the Burning Times, is a very soon-to-be published graphic novel, written by Bram Stoker Award winning authors Rocky Wood and Lisa Morton. The GN looks into the history of the witchcraft persecutions in Europe and America, delving into the origins of the craze, the trials and their victims. The book goes through about 400 years of history and would appeal to readers of both history and horror. It will be published by McFarland Publishers sometime between May and July. It’s about 185 pages long and took me about 12-14 months to illustrate, but I loved every minute of it. It’s my first GN and hopefully it won’t be my last.

 

I am a freelance illustrator specializing in comic book illustration. Apart from having a Diploma in Graphic Design, my illustration is self-taught. I only picked up the drawing again in 2009 when I had an opportunity to illustrate a short comic for Midnight Echo Magazine, but I’ve been able to draw since I was about 8 or 9. I like to work with pencil or pen and ink mostly, as I’m not the best with a paint brush.

 

4)     If a reader found this interview and wanted more information, where/how could they find you?

I’ve got a few websites:

Blog: www.darkscrybe.blogspot.com

Art: http://www.wix.com/darkscribe/gregchapman_dark-artisan

Official Torment site – http://www.wix.com/darkscribe/tormentbook

Official site for The Noctuary – http://www.wix.com/darkscribe/thenoctuary
Facebook page – http://www.facebook.com/GregChapman.Author?sk=wall
Twitter - http://twitter.com/darkscrybe

  

5) Since it is touted that 2012 is the long-anticipated end of the world, what do you hope to accomplish before our hellish end?

 

I’d like to finish the novel I’m currently working on, tentatively titled The Lowest Deep and I’d at least like to see my first royalty check for Witch Hunts just so I can say “look, a real royalty check”!

 

6) If all the doomsayers are wrong, and it isn’t really the end of the world, how disappointed will you be on Jan. 1st 2013?

 

Well, I hope the doomsayers are wrong to be quite honest as I’ve got a bit more life to live; two daughters to watch grow up, a loving wife to dote on, books to write and draw, so please if we could hold off on Armageddon for a bit longer. Maybe 2112?

 

7) What is next? What can we expect from you in your art and story-telling?

 

I have a new novella Vaudeville coming out from Dark Prints Press and a short story in Bete Noire Magazine in July, the graphic novel obviously and a new horror comic in Midnight Echo Magazine #7 at the end of May, so things are pretty good at the moment. I’m powering through the first draft of the novel and I’ve got a Halloween-themed novella in a notebook somewhere and in between maybe a few drawings here and there.

 

 

8) I’m sure I forgot an important question, what was it? How would you answer it?

 

I guess the most important question is why do I write and draw? It’s like instinct I think. If I don’t write and draw I would be wasting my talents that I got from my ancestors or God or aliens, I don’t know. I’m a daydreamer and one day I hope to earn a proper living from it.

 

Thanks for the interview.